FROM THE ARCHIVE

Q.   I worry about money a lot—about not being able to pay my bills, not having enough at the end of the month. I want you to say more about money, especially about how someone who is awake relates to money.

For the awakened person, money becomes just another condition in life, albeit an important one. The awakened person manages his or her capital wisely, and would not spend more than he or she had coming in. Certainly, with awakening you don’t worry about money—or, if you do, it is only a residual kind of worry and has no real bite to it.

Money has a vital place in our lives. We all need it to survive, to feed, clothe, house, and educate ourselves and our children. We might need it to care for our elderly parents. We can also enjoy everything else it does for us, like the things it buys us, and the freedom it gives to spend time on purely creative, non money-making pursuits. But when we are in the grip of excessive addiction to it, believing it will save us, or bring us the happiness we seek, we are making a mistake.

The more you face your fears and stories around money, and your real or imagined needs, and realize you are not your stories, but rather you are the awareness which looks at the stories, the freer you will become of anything binding you.

When I was in my thirties, my own fear was of being out of work, out of money, and ending up homeless under a bridge. During my meditations, I faced this worst-case scenario over and over again in my mind, until eventually it no longer held any emotional charge.

I wasn’t fully awake yet. I hadn’t completely perceived my true nature as consciousness, as the ultimate perceiver, but I came to realize my connection to spirit, the energy behind creation, was strong. I knew how to be at peace in the present and this allowed me to be much freer of my fears around money.

Whether or not I lived under a bridge was certainly not going to take away my inner peace. Besides, there was a whole tradition of Zen masters who lived under bridges, basking in freedom, enjoying the ever-present delights of nature, dharma-jousting with fellow travelers, writing haiku. I would have been in good company!

Once I knew this for sure, I then had a clear choice. One option was to sit on my butt meditating in bliss all the time, but with the knowledge I might end up not being able to afford a decent roof over my head. The other was to get to work doing what I enjoyed doing—or at least found tolerable doing—so I could generate the income needed to keep body and soul together in a comfortable way. Preferring middle-class comforts to the deprivation of poverty, I chose the work option.

Remember, the beliefs, images, and pictures in your mind drive the sensations and feelings of anxiety and fear, and keep them alive. As you learn to live in the present, letting go of attachment to the story inside your head, you’ll come to the realization that inner freedom is, and always has been, your true nature.

From Chapter Two, End Your Story, Begin Your Life 
FROM THE ARCHIVE

Self-Judgment
I was working with a client the other day, on the phone, who said that he had fewer commitments in life now and less that he had to “do,” to busy himself with, yet still his mind was often on overdrive.
At some point he would notice when he was in his head, being run by his thoughts, and then he would be more present, maybe counting his steps, or his breath. A short while later, though, he would find himself swept up in his thoughts again. They usually had to do with thinking he needed to be more productive.
Then he would judge himself for not doing more, and sometimes a feeling of anxiety would arise. He admitted that from boyhood, he had been programmed to believe that men were the providers, and they should be productive. I encouraged him welcome the fact that he noticed when he was in his head, because it was showing him where he was not yet free. Be easy on yourself, I said, especially when the tendency to fall into thoughts of self-judgment arise.
“That’s your story,” I told him. “You’ve been conditioned to think you need to be productive your whole life, and when you take some time for meditation and contemplation, you feel guilty. The story you tell yourself creates the emotional contraction that you call ‘guilt.’”

I paused. “Then, after the welcoming, when you have identified the story that is making you feel guilty, let it go. See that you are not the story. You are what sees. So, relax into the seeing, the awareness that is your true nature. Breathe. Be very present, with the feeling or emotion, but without going into your head, without telling yourself any new story. Then just wait patiently, as you continue to be present. The energy will soon shift, and so long as you don’t go into your head, you’ll experience a new sense of well-being. Then you can think about being productive, but in a new and creative way.”
Weight Loss

Question…

My question for you is about weight. I love to read and learn so my understanding about what you are saying is there. Intellectually I get it, feeling it is another thing. I get stuck when I understand that my non-physical being is creating the physical being but I can only identify with the physical being even though I know better. I do not know how to let go of my story. I have tried thinking positive, stepping back like you said and telling myself this is not me.

A part of me has a real big problem with this. Does it mean I accept myself as 60lbs heavier? Then how do I do what I need to do to let go of the weight? My husband says heal your mind and the body will follow. Great, but where is the mind? What is the mind? How do I connect with it? Needless to say, I feel like I have been working with this problem for so many years, and each year my problem expands by 10lbs! Frustration, anger, and depression inevitably come along with the story about my weight.

Response…

You must ask yourself: what is more important to me, finding the freedom, peace, and love inside me that comes with awakening to my true nature… or losing this excess weight that I’ve been struggling to lose for so many years? The more you find freedom within, the more the more you will perceive yourself as a contented and happy person, genuinely so. The “problem” of your weight will then fade from your consciousness. It simply won’t be a problem anymore. Then, maybe, the weight will also fade away. Or maybe it won’t! Whatever happens, you will be at peace.

How to find the freedom within? First, every time you find yourself suffering over your weight, welcome it. Welcome your experience, because it is showing you where you are not yet free. Then look for the story you are telling yourself (I’m angry, I’m depressed, I feel awful because I’m so fat!). Lastly, do the practice. Step back out of the story between your ears, but be very present, very aware. Affirm to yourself the one story that is always true: “I am not my story. I am the pure awareness that is present right now…” Then breathe and relax into the feeling of being aware, of being alertly present in this moment.

You will probably have to do this three-step transformational process many, many times a day to begin with, but I promise you, if you do it faithfully, it will work. You will become a freer, happier, and more fulfilled person. You will be vastly lighter in spirit… and maybe in terms of your weight, too!

Love

Question…

I am grateful for finding myself of late more and more in a space of equanimity and equilibrium, now knowing myself as the witness of the world between my ears. I find the story which was my life has lost its emotional charge. The strange side of this seems to be that I no longer ''worry'' about my family, children and friends who used to seek the comfort of my shoulder to cry on. Seeing the perfection (the Big Picture) of all happenings, I no longer feel the need to offer them (ego-tainted) advice and so now they accuse me of no longer caring about them!  
I am now wondering, where is the feeling of compassion, the service, the giving? How can I assist my fellow human family when I see that all is in every moment perfectly as it should be?  I am finding it difficult to articulate my compassion into helpful deeds and my family basically misses my old role as solace provider and at times even questions my sanity! Any advice?
Response…

Your family may well gripe about your seeming to no longer care. After all, they are still, mainly, stuck in their story, their suffering. They are still identified with their egos. Nothing is changing for them and even if it does (some new circumstance to brighten their lives), inevitably they will suffer again. We always do, until we finally awaken to, as you call it, the Big Picture. However, seeing the Big Picture, while it is the end of one journey, the inner, spiritual journey, is just the beginning of a whole new adventure. Now we must learn how to share the love that we feel with others. That is an ongoing work, a journey without end.
Ask yourself: “Now that real inner freedom is becoming a reality for me, how do I wish to serve, to give back?” Then live with that question until the answer begins to dawn, and becomes a real passion. I suspect for you it will again involve your family and friends, at least in the beginning. You will again offer that oh so strong shoulder to cry on. But then, after their crying is done, you will turn to them and talk about the marvelous inner truth, the truth of freedom and love, that you have discovered, and how they can discover it too. When you have their attention, you will talk to them about the “stories” between their ears, and how they are all unreal, but what is real is the love you and they are sharing right now…
Buttons

When our inner peace and well-being depend on forces outside ourselves (circumstances, the marketplace, other people) the stress and anxiety that result in personal conflict, and that get in the way of our effectiveness, are always close at hand. Our buttons get all too easily pushed.

But as we become more established in our true, awakened nature, we are far less at the effect of those outer forces. We then bring greater clarity, confidence, and focus to the problems needing our attention. We are able to act decisively and generate results with more consistency and predictability. In those instances where events do not work out favorably, we are able to more quickly make the adjustments needed to get things back on track.

The simplest and most direct method for making the shift back to our true nature is as follows: As often as you remember throughout the day, pause and take the time to breathe slowly and consciously. Then bring your awareness slightly behind and above your head. This is more the real you. From this place, make your body, sense, and mind/personality objects of observation. It is as if you are witnessing all that is arising within your awareness.

If you are being bothered by a particular thought, belief, or story (for example, What if I fail?) examine it objectively. Be very still for a moment or two, and look at the belief as you would any object from this detached place slightly behind and above yourself. Do not judge it or analyze it. Become aware of yourself as the awareness, or consciousness, that is looking at this particular belief. Now be aware that what you are looking at, you cannot be. You are what is looking.

The belief, What if I fail? is just a thought form arising within the field of awareness that you are. When you stop identifying with it through the practice of presence, you cease giving it power. Through applying this technique many times a day, eventually the belief will lose its charge. It will no longer be a button for you. No belief or thought form can persist for long in the light of clear, sustained awareness, or conscious presence.

After you have freed yourself from one limiting belief, then take the next one that is causing conflict, and work with it in the same way. The more you do this, the more your head will clear, and you will come to a place of authentic inner freedom. Instead of living from your mind and its worries, you will live from an alert yet relaxed sense of awareness in the present. Then you will be able to use your mind for the powerful creative tool that it is, but it will no longer be a source of conflict or stress for you.

The Now

Question...

There is a section in your book, The Way Of Harmony, where you talk about clock time versus psychological time.  I think what a lot of people find themselves doing is looking toward the past experiences of pleasure or look forward to future prospects of pleasure because their present moment is unhappy. 

I am very unhappy in my present and the mind shifts to thoughts of being happy in the past or of hopeful happiness in the future.  Looking back on my trip a year ago when I was experiencing new things and meeting new people I became very content with the present, I enjoyed the now, likewise I felt better, had a better attitude, enjoyed life more.  How do you break away from the unhappiness of the now, when the prospect of a better future is what keeps you going?

I remember when I was in high school, I had a temporary job working in a salad factory where it was freezing, in a windowless room, fluorescent lighting, country music on the radio, crude coworkers, a true hell.  The only thing that kept me going was watching the clock and wishing my day away, knowing at 4:30 I could get out of here.
 
Isn't it only natural to hate such an environment and be glad when you can get out of it?  How can you be focused on the now when you are trying to cope with a horrible now, and daydreams and fantasy are able to take you away from it?

My Response...

It is natural to dislike where we are presently when we are not yet free. This is the unawakened human conditioning, and it is called “suffering.” The problem is not the now. It is this "I," this "me," this "person" you take yourself to be who is unhappy, who fondly remembers the good old days, can't stand what's currently happening, and watches the clock, or the calendar, and dreams of a better time in the future.

Enlightenment is seeing that the "self" concept you have been building since about age two or three inside your head is totally unreal. Once you see this, once you get it, you will be awake. You will live fully and effortlessly in the present, because you will understand that the present is all that exists. You will always be at peace. You will always flow cheerfully with whatever is happening. Sure, there may be more fun awaiting you tomorrow evening, when you go out on some hot date, or do whatever else you love to do, but you don't dwell on that.

In the meantime, there is only now, there is only ever the now, and even working in a freezing, windowless salad factory is okay when you are inwardly free. However, you may certainly form a plan, from a place of clarity and presence, to move on from the salad factory as soon as you realistically can.

So, the sixty-four million dollar question: how do you get free? You breathe, you come back to being very aware in the present, you notice your own mind stuff, your story, and you tell yourself, "This is not who I am." You tell yourself, "Peace is my true nature, and I am always at peace, deep within." Your consciousness is like a deep lake, and while the surface may get ruffled and buffeted by the challenges of life, deep down that stillness, that peace, is always here. You have to stop, and begin to feel into it.

One last tip: whenever you find yourself doing something you don't really want to do, ask yourself, "If I were an enlightened Zen master (or Sufi, or Christian mystic, or whatever inspires you) how would I approach this?" Then act as if you were that.

Remember, the way to tell whether someone is enlightened or not is that what is happening right now is always the most important thing. Awakened people honor the past, keep an eye on the future, but they are always right here, enjoying and appreciating what is happening now.

©Jim Dreaver, 2008

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